They ask, “Who is this dude?”
Someone answers, “This dude is the son of that man.”
They approach me, “Hey dude, how you doin’? We are these people.”
My mind answers, Piss off, I don’t want to meet you.
I answered, “Hey, you guys, nice bumping into you at this event. Sorry to see you in such an ill event.”
They ask, “Where were you these past few years?”
My mind answers, As far away from you, dude.
I answer, “I moved out after university, and I’ve been busy with work and responsibilities.”
They ask, “Why don’t you come to these events?”
My mind answered, “I don’t like to eat the food served at funerals, and I don’t like to dance at weddings. I loathe hypocrisy, social gossip, and fake smiles.”
I answer, “That man doesn’t tell me about these events or that one is happening. You see, I don’t see that man enough.”
They ask, “Why are you still single?”
My mind answered, “Because I don’t want to see you at my wedding.”
I answered, “Why the misery? I don’t want to be like you,” accompanied by a facial gesture of a wink and a smirky laugh.
They say, “Come on, dude, seriously, you should find a decent girl.”
I answer, “Do you recommend any girl?”
They say, “Yes, there’s this girl and that girl.”
I answered, “Oh, those girls are nice, but I’m trying to introduce new genes into the family. Keep your eyes open for me; find me one that you see fit. No, no, I’m serious!”
They ask, “Give me your mobile number so that we can call you soon. Maybe we can hook you up.”
I answered, “Here is my mobile number.” At this point, I give them the phone number that literally never leaves my house—except in these events—and I literally never answer it.
Social hypocrisy at its finest.
This dialogue happens in both sad and happy events.
